12:18PM, Apr 06, 2005
Hollywood is about to unleash its big guns - the blockbuster movies of summer.
Our Tinseltown columnist SANDRO MONETTI takes a personal look ahead at the treats - and the torture - in store....(Anticipated UK release dates are in brackets.)
THE HITCHHIKER'S GUIDE TO THE GALAXY (April 29)
I never really saw what the fuss was all about with this story. Douglas Adams wrote better episodes of Doctor Who. I suppose Martin Freeman will bring his befuddled quality to the lead role, but casting an actor from The Office alongside Sam Rockwell and Mos Def is hardly going to have middle America flocking to the multiplex. This film has a cast of C-list actors when it's crying out for a Jim Carrey.
KINGDOM OF HEAVEN (May 6)
Orlando Bloom seems way too wimpy to carry off the lead role as a tough leader of men in this 12th century battle epic. But if anyone can get a decent performance out of him then it's cigar-chomping ace director Ridley Scott, who has a real flair for the spectacular.
STAR WARS: EPISODE III - REVENGE OF THE SITH (May 19)
Why are we even getting excited? The first two were such huge letdowns, there's nothing to suggest the third will be any better. But we live in hope. A make-or-break movie for the damaged legacy of George Lucas.
THE PACIFIER (May 27)
Hitting yourself repeatedly in the face with a hammer is likely to be more fun than sitting through this comedy, in which Vin Diesel plays an ex-marine turned security guard for five unruly children. Apparently Vin gets out-acted in the film by a duck. There's a shocker.
HOUSE OF WAX (May 27)
Looks to have all the elements for big box office success. Teen horor pic with eye candy stars like Elisha Cuthbert and, yes, Paris Hilton screaming in fear when stuck in a town full of wax-coated corpses. Oh, and Paris dies a horrible death. That's got to be worth the admission money alone.
MR & MRS SMITH (June 17)
Yes! Yes and thrice yes!!! Terrific trailer. Love the bit where Angelina Jolie beats up Brad Pitt, saying: "Who's your daddy now?" There's clearly great sexual chemistry between the two stars - which doesn't come as any surprise - and the cheesy story about husband and wife assassins ordered to kill each other looks like fun.
BATMAN BEGINS (June 24)
It's about time Christian Bale got a mainstream part to show off his ability. James Bond would have been good but Batman will have to do for now. I'm worried that it looks like an introspective film, judging by the trailer. There seems to be far too much brooding and not enough butt-kicking for my liking.
WAR OF THE WORLDS (July 8)
Now this is more like it. I was on the set of this film and it looked amazing from what I saw. Steven Spielberg and Tom Cruise team up on this alien invasion tale and hopefully the script will be as special as the effects.
THE WEDDING CRASHERS (July 15)
Looks like the best comedy of the summer. Vince Vaughn and Owen Wilson team up to play a couple of sleazy womanisers who gatecrash weddings to try and get off with girls. How can you not love that as a concept?
THE FANTASTIC FOUR (July 22)
How rubbish does this look? The Thing suit just looks embarrassingly bad and the trailer makes the film so cheap. Any time Vancouver doubles for New York, you're in trouble. Its one saving grace could be the always entertaining Julian McMahon finally making it to the big screen as Dr Doom.
CHARLIE AND THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY (July 29)
As a big fan of Johnny Depp and Roald Dahl, there's was no film this year I was looking forward to more. Then I saw the trailer. It looked cheesy and ghastly. Director Tim Burton looks to have buggered it up like he did the Planet Of The Apes 're-imagining'. Hope I'm wrong.
THE ISLAND (August 12)
"From the director of Pearl Harbour, Armageddon and Bad Boys" are words guaranteed to have you running for either the hills or the best seat in the cinema, depending how you feel about Michael Bay. He seems to have an interesting sci-fi story to work with on this cloning thriller and certainly a top-notch cast in the shape of Scarlett Johansson, Ewan McGregor, Djimon Hounsou and Steve Buscemi. Expect stunning visuals, stirring music and a senseless plot.
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