Paris Hilton Dear Paris Hilton,

Flagrant displays of passion are all well and good.

But our stomachs really can't cope with this type of saliva swopping.

We understand what it's like having a new boyfriend, such as Doug Reinhardt, we really do.

All you wanna do is throw yourself at him, showering him with the type of fresh, unbridled sauciness one rarely sees outside the first six months' of a relationship.

And yet, nothing can excuse the beast-like expression of raunch you bombarded Doug with at a recent VIP bash in Cannes (left).

Seriously Paz, when is letting your mouth slug hang out as it glistens with fresh spittle actually seen as attractive?

No wonder Doug appears a tad reticent here.

He's probably wondering how the Adam 'n' Eve young love has ended up translating into this somewhat sticky - not to mention slimy - situation.

WTF? For our unfortunate readers who have to gaze on this sight, you can check it out in even more detail (if you dare), in our gallery of celeb gross kisses below.

And as for you, Paris, you naughty minx, make sure you reign in your impulses, and your tongue, in the future.

That way we can all sleep safely at night, without being haunted by the vision of this full-on yuck show.

Yours faithfully,

The Showbiz Love Dept (Snog Division).