Nicollette SheridanDear Nicollette Sheridan,

We are writing to inform you that you have been placed in our Triangle Of Shame shortlist.

This move takes place with immediate effect.

Do not attempt to hide or run away from the situation - we have photographic proof.

You were spotted out recently shopping in Beverly Hills sporting the most shocking of fashion misdemeanours.

To put it plainly: your crotch was eating up your leggings, giving us a more graphic view of your lady garden than we ever imagined we'd lay eyes on.

Now, we understand from our sources that you star in US TV series Desperate Housewives.

But that's no excuse to resort to such desperate private-part pranks in real life.

Forget axis of evil - this is more axis of embarrassment territory you've got yourself caught up in.

If you wish to stay away from our Triangle Of Shame radar in the future, kindly desist in wearing such tight attire, and should you feel the mere smidgens of a pant wedge, take urgent action to resolve.

That way our lunches can stay happily settled in our stomachs, as they were designed to.

That's all, good night (until next time - although, as discussed, we hope there won't be).

Yours sincerely,

The Triangle Team
(Operation Pants Shame)
The Showbiz Shed